The end.

         by saying all these things, i meant it. I Actually deeply in love with you. I've been falling around for you, because i falling too deep with you. you can kill me for ever tried to say love is not real, but, i'm pretty good at lying to myself while actually i'm really trust in love, for the God sake. but when I see our, or maybe it's better to say my story with you, i feel like love really never exist. love is only placed in one side, not both side so i think it won't be good. No, i won't blame you for not giving your love because i know, for now, you still don't wanna sink into a relationship again. but for me, it's been one and half a year, even not everyday i give my time and show it to you, but honestly,i always thinks about you (i know it's lame but it's real. i don't even know why i'm keep thinking about you) and i always wanna know about you. even you say you don't know me and you don't even know yourself, it's okay for me.

         i don't even like to see the past because past is suck. because past is read-only memory, we can't edit that shit. i don't even know how gloomy is your past, let's make clearer future (by saying clearer future i mean the relationship won't end so soon and i'll try to make you happy, for both of us) but everything is still depends on your choices.

          i actually still really want you, but by seeing the way you look at me now, i realize that this relationship won't going anywhere if you are still not, or maybe won't into me, because what i see is, (sorry) you are really into your internet world. i know internet friends isn't suck like me or other people called friends in real life but, maybe you will listen to me for only one time, please? you already know what predators do in the internet. how bad is them? i'm afraid if you....gone bad too. by saying all these things, i don't want you to hate me, even actually i know you don't want people cross your way of thinking, i know you're gonna hate me soon. anyway, thank you for the read-only memories, i'll write some bullshit again :)))) have a nice day

Maya, Hentikan Aku.

Hentikan aku.  hentikan aku untuk selalu mengejar dia.  dia yang tidak pernah melihatku. dia yang menghentikan usahku untuk terus berlari. ku tahu kamu tidak pernah menghentikn pelarianku. Karen kamu tidak akan pernah melihat ataupun merasakan usahaku. usaha ini tidak akan terlihat karena... Ya. kamu benar benar sibuk dengan duniamu. dunia yang akupun pernah terjebak disana. itu bukan dunia yang buruk, namun, itu benar benar addicting.  like drugs, you will trying so hard to get out from that world. Untukku, dunia itu....adalah dunia pelarian. Dunia pelarian dari kenyataan hidup yang buruk. Kenyataan hidup yang pahit. Namun, dunia tersebut hanyalah ilusi. Apa yang dikatakan oleh mereka yang tidak tahu tidak sepenuhnya salah. Semoga hidupmu tidak selalu menjadi pahit.

Lalu pada akhirnya, aku mulai menyadari. dengan sejuta usahapun, mungkin aku memang diciptakan untuk menjadi seperti ini. Usahaku hanya berujung pada pendekatan dan pendekatan, dan.....pada akhirnya hanyalah berujung pada perasaan yang terpendam. terpendam bersama waktu yang akan terus menampakkan bekas yang dalam. Luka yang dalam ini mungkin tidak akan bisa terobati oleh apapun, berbentuk maupun tidak berbentuk.

Selamat tinggal. Maya, kekasih gelapku yang rela menemaniku siang dan malam dan tidak pernah berhenti menyuguhiku cerita-cerita cinta semumu. Maaf aku berhenti disini. Mungkin di lain waktu, aku akan menemuimu. membawa sejuta cerita cinta dari negeri lain, yang mungkin akan membuatmu tertawa lagi seperti dulu kala.

Atau mungkin aku tidak akan pernah kembali lagi.

Are you really my star?

I know you are a star
Your shine are really bright
But i can't deny one thing
You are not my own star

Your shine really bright me up
Especially in the dark
But then i deny my own thought
Your shine are not only for me.

Is it wrong if i hope i can get that star
The star that make other people happy
Is by having you gonna make me feel like i'm the egoist one?

I know i shouldn't have you
I'm gonna make everyone sad
Especially
To the one who keep staring at you
And you shine them by your light

So i'm gonna walk away again
Like other people who ever think like me
I realise who am i
I'm just a sun
That always try to light other people too
But always covered by clouds.